Happy 22nd Birthday to me!

Twenty two is a great age. I love gaining years, growing old. I was watching a business improvement show the other day called Peter Perfect. A designer named Peter comes to businesses to remodel and improve their sales. The episode I saw was about a coffee shop run by a forty-something married couple. The husband focused on roasting the beans and the wholesale side of the business, while his wife wanted to make the retail (coffee shop) more of a staple in the community (and therefore help their family monetarily). Everything and everyone had a make-over. Peter told the business owner/husband he needed his hair dyed - the owner said, "but I've earned that." The look in his eye when he said that, made it very clear he meant what he said. I couldn't help but think of all the years in a life, why men and women alike say when they are under stress they either grey or lose their hair. It's said that a women's hair is her crown and glory.

Abby took me out for breakfast this morning at a place in downtown Market Square, Cafe4. Ran into Jen Smith (who I worked with at both TCBY & Border's Bookstore years ago). She makes a mean Peppermint Mocha and was super sweet to surprise me with a cookie in honor of my birthday. She's one of the friendliest Christians I've ever met (it was a joy to work with her). Learning or trying to be a good barista is tough work - let me tell you! It was great running into her on my birthday though...the cookie was like frosting on the cake.

Abby and I took a walk in the Square and I couldn't help but think as I looked around at the seniors walking with their canes or taking a gentle jog along Gay Street, that reading a good book early one morning would be magical & well worth it. I must do that someday. Life is beautiful.

Interesting To-Do Lists : )
10 Things To-Do before you're 30
100 things to do before you die. . .
My50.com (very interesting!!)

Goals

Today in service, ryan spoke about how we can't have the best of both worlds, how we have to choose all the way or none at all. there's no happy medium when a relationship with God is in the picture. either you watch the movie or you don't. and the best answer is--you dont.

the fourth is friday & he reminded us of the boston tea party. the american settlers said no more in voice and in action. they knew they couldn't have all the benefits of being a new country apart from Britain without sacrifice. they threw out a key part of the culture they loved--tea. they just threw it overboard into the water, thus saying that they were serious about becoming something new. severing ties with britain and becoming open to a new life in America as an American.

Ryan said there are certain things we can do and certain things we cant. and now i am remembering, to whom much is giving much is required. secular music for leisure isnt cool on a regular basis for me. especially today, in this season of my life. because i am struggling to move on effectively and joyfully. granted, nothing like say a year ago. but, getting my life in order now is crucial, especially if i am looking to be married someday before i'm thirty. i can't say, oh okay i'm 29 or i'm in a relationship therefore i need to get things i wanted in order, in order. by then it's already too late. i need to start today, right now. and so, i am.

write on a regular basis

read spiritual books & commentaries

write something about the media i let in my life: music, movies, conversations

read classic books with moral standards of integrity--lessen the recent novels/memoirs

do i all i can to be content

make a point to say hi to everyone on a sunday morning, especially new people or people i don't know yet

don't distance myself from the family in any way and write down how i think i may be doing so, so i wont end up doing it again

keep my mind of life and God and love and understanding him and how He sees us here on earth

read the card that the Carlson's gave to me aloud every morning

time heals...sweet

i haven't written much lately. partly because, i haven't wanted to remember certain things. though inspired, i didn't want to look back on these virtual pages and remember what should be forgotten and trampled over.



on my way down Northshore Dr. to meet Abby for lunch, I heard Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis and remembered how easy it was to remember things I wanted to forget, and how that sick feeling crept into my stomach, and i wanted to bend over and get rid of it. and then today happened, and i realized how less painful it was today. it's not as raw and i loved how beautifully time heals and urges The Move On Process. I think it helps, sometimes I wish time moved fast though : )

soak session @ whbc

my life constantly hangs in the balance but Ii will not stop obeying Your law.

Ps 119:109

Lord you know I feel like I've given up so much, but I thank you because I'm able to gladly place it all on the altar: Lee friends & culture, hopes of being a counselor and journalist, my writing, my woes, my adventures, my joys, pains & sorrows. It's all yours. Every good thing within me, Lord, I want you to use. I want for you to cultivate. It's you that I love and want more of. I went to work today in PRP's office, I tried to iron his shirts under Betsy's direction. It wasn't working for me. I need your help. I need to you to move my hands, arms & fingers. I need you to get through the day.

how sweet your words are to my taste, they are sweeter than honey.

PS 119:103

there's nothing i want more than you. you hold the truth. you leave beauty wherever you go. you discern my steps & love me even when i make you cry. i stand on the word spoken over me through moses vegh for you. coming here, i knew it would be difficult-i knew even with all that preparing, i still need you more because nothing could prepare me for this. what are you going to do with my heart of discipleship? of love? of transformation? a heart eager to see change for those bound children & women across the world forced to work or perform sexual acts because of their families hopeless debt or simply because they were taken? what of the hurting teens eager to get out but unable to be heard? what of the neglected children with no one to love them? what of the truth-starved college student looking for a place to set their foundation? what of the frustrated pentacostal with loads of preaching and no authentic change? what of the broken hearted teacher who sees another fall through the cracks? what of a girl like me seeking nothing but to please you. make your way clear to me and i'll come. if you say go, i'll go.

Setlist: holy desire. yearn. you're all i want. we fall down.

soak session @ WHBC in Dominion Hall with chris hardy.

Ashley’s Goals for Fall 2006

Ashley’s Goals for Fall 2006
(Updated Saturday, September 16, 2006)


I will join in enthusiastically, honestly with the goal that whatever I'm doing is for a greater goal.
I will be grace-full & in-tune to what is going on around me, balancing time with others and time with God justly.
I will be honest with myself--the good, the bad, the good (which is often harder), & the ugly, accepting grace purely and respectfully.
I will be me through & through.
Embrace my strengths, & allow my weaknesses to be made something more than they are.
I will treasure the "awkward moments" & embrace the times when the genuine share their heart with me & I with them.
I will fight for another's name, testimony, heart, & word.
I will listen intently & life-changingly to those who have the courage to speak & be quick to understand those who are working to break down the walls in life & speak.
I will learn to relax: celebrate: have fun: let my guard down: do what I feel: get out of my comfort zone.
I will be open to discovering who I am & who this person we call God truly is.
I will be thankful for my past: be Honest about my past.
I will run to those who have laid their heart out on the table for all to see, comforting them in their pain, rejoicing with them in their triumph.
I will stop lying to myself, stop lying to others about who I am, and be transparent: the same through and through.
I will recognize that we are all on different paths, not so much different levels & out of that accept them where they are and stir them to more fully live.
I will give my friends the chance to win, give people a chance to win me over.

authenticity vs. me

Friday, August 25, 2006
Currently Listening
Sweetly Broken
By Various Artists
track: Sweetly Broken

God, there's so much in my heart right now. so much i wish to say, so much i'll never form into words. God you are beautiful to me.
I don't want to end this year thinking that I didn't fully live it out.
I want to change. I want to embrace it. I want to get out of perfection and comfort, and into the abundant love of life.
I want to know people, really know people, know their heart and their story.
Jesus, your truth is so pure and mysterious.
Help me, Jesus to embrace purity and not run from it. I know it's not an easy battle, but I want to be authentic--I've wasted too many years being fake. ick.

Happy birthday to me.

Happy birthday to me. I can’t believe I am nineteen now with my final teenage year. Thank God. I’m so ready and excited to let move on. But, I am also thankful for the day which symbolizes another great year. I’m believing God for another year for Him to use me. I am praying for Him to become more and more into my life and remove more and more of me so I can be more like Him and less like me.